Nervousheshness

So we are two weeks away from our orientation with Magdalena Huis.My nerves raak elke dag a bietjie minder!

As the datedraws near I start thinking about many things. How can I loose the wheight in two weeks? Because what will they think of me?FAT AND LAZY,what many people do think.I cant make my house bigger in teo weeks,we cant do all the renovations we plan to do for the year in two weeks,we wont become rich in two weeks.Are those the things they look for? Or are they looking for love,support,stability and security,because that is exactly what we do have.

Then I wonder about our portfolio. We dont have many pictures,many of Mark,none of me or us together. We have lots of holiday pics,but not together or engaging in activities. we dont have many with families kids at all,we have pix of them,but not with us!OH MA GAWD...my head is spinning. we have to jump out and get to clicking!!! Do we do the portfolio in English or Afrikaans? What do we have to do to get it to the top aand for it to be a true reflection of us?

I see tough days ahead.

Till next time...

Just some more stuff

I've come to think of this blog as my own personal diary.Since it's not been published yet,the world is unaware of it,I still feel like I can speak my mind. I dread the day when I make it public and people start reading all the crap I put down here.

On the other hand,I feel that I want to share our story and journey,whatever the outcome may be,with people.

So here's some good news. We received the 'invitation' from Magdalena Huis to come for the information session. I RSVP'd and so we're set to take the second step on our journey.I am excited and scared at the same time,mostly of the unknown,but I want to do this with my whole heart.

What will they want to know?How deep are they going to delve into our lives?Do we have skeletons that will merge once they start asking questions? Orwill it be quick and painless?We'll have to wait and see.

We spoke to our house doctor about our medicals and he is so happy that we are trying atleast,I have faith in him that he will help us how ever which way he can. I'm also going for my yearly check-up with my Gyno the day before the information session,and we'll have to inform him of our decision also,since he is actualy pushing for us to go for IVF.

On religion. I finaly started yesterday with classes to convert to the Catholic church. I dont know if I should call it Catholic faith,since my Faith is already in the Lord and I am a Christian,so ja.I did learn qiute a lot during the session last night,actualy looking forward to the next one and being in one church with Mark.SOOOO much looking forward to the day when we can walk up to the altar and christen our little babies,raising them under the blood of the Lord,WONDERFUL!!!

Till next time...

Thoughts

There are two adoption blogs that I love,So met a ompad saam and The blessed barrenness.It's great to read how the families and grandparents accepted these little angels into their lives as their own,no questions asked.

We chatted today about what to do when we bring a little one home someday. What a joyous day that would be. Introducing him/her to every close family member,them falling inlove instantly. We chatted about our car,which will someday be too small,having two kids before Mark turns 40,what it would be like going on holiday with a baby?It seems that Mark is looking forward to the 3-4 year old stage,when they can participate in activities. Also the nursery came up,what to do and what to put in there.So excited and so afraid of the unknown.

It was sad talking about waht our kids would look like (if we could conceive) and I ended the convo with we'll neva know and Mark said,nothing is impossible.So even though there's still hope,we wont be clinging to it,because out there are a few babies who's waiting to enter our lives in any which way they can...YAY!!!

Till next time...

BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TODAY

Not feelin very gud today. PMS is a motha!!!

Mark is working till atleast 10 tonight since 6 this morning,so I'm left to my own company.Discovering that I'm extremely nauseated,very crampy,running up and down to the toilet to nr1,bloated with a headache that wont quit.Sleep aint helpin,so what else.

Off the point...it's hard being all alone so far away from family and friends.Nobody has the good sense to come visit once in a while. When we go 'home' we cant get to every1,usualy we are there for a day or day and a half.Most of that time being spent on the road shutteling between every1.Because the Jardines are a huge clan,I neva get to see my fam or friends,only stop at my folks home,where we sleep,and then off to the in-laws.Wehardly get to do anything we want to do and at the end of the day we are so tired,it's just bedtime.When will they realise that when they come to visit us,they only have this one stop to make,no shutteling between family members at all. I so much would like to pay a decent visit to a friend or family,but it'simpossible.

It's a lonely life out here...

Till next time...

The Love Journal

THE LOVE JOURNAL

I started thisa as a very personal way of letting our future child know just how much he/she was loved. Maybe we can even get Mark to scribble a page full someday soon!!!

Till next time...

The Klaastes

The Jardines

So these are our two families on two seperate pix.

Klaastes - Mom and Dad (Maureen & Bruce)
Me being the eldest with my husband,Mark
My only sister,Loran

The Jardines - This is a huge clan
Mom and Dad (Mary & Pat)
Eldest child,sister Patsy and her husband Raoul with their Kids,
Joy & Joel
My husband,Mark & me
Brother Manual and his wife Esther with their kids,Caleb & Grace
Youngest brother Sergio and his wife Charlene,no kids yet also

Here's to hoping and praing that a little baby in our arms will combine these two families to make one beautiful portrait to adorn my wall!

Till next time...

Dayddreamin'

I havent even filled out 1 form,but I cant help but dream about the day we enter this house with a little human. I dream of what he/she would look like. What they would smell like.Preparing the first feeding,changing the first nappy,first clothes change,first sleepless night,first bout of uncontrolable crying (me and baby both,maybe even hubby...you neva know!).All the good and all the bad. Doesnt matter to me at all. Since we have no idea of how the adoption process will play out,we cant realy make any plans regarding a baby yet. What if they dont accept our application?What if they do and we dont ever get picked? What if we get picked and the BM wants her baby back.My mind is racing with what if's and firsts. Going on the internet and looking into breastfeeding must be the most stupid thing I 'v done so far.That is the one part of motherhood that evades most adoptive parents.That's the one part I was actualy looking forward to when having my own baby.Seems like I will maybe at least get to fullfill that dream,MAYBE.We'll see. I realy want to post my blog to my facebook page,but I wont,not until after we have gone through the application process. I 'm not one of those people who hide what I do. I f my posts can help the next person to at least open their minds to adoption,then I have done a little good in this world. Pics of our two families,someday a little baby will help in creating just one huge family shot! Till next time...

It's been a while...

A quick catch up. After multiple rounds of Clomid,lots of wheight gained,herbal drops,Mark's sperm analisys and lost hope,we finaly decided to go ahead with adoption.So here we go... Last week I e-mailed Magdalena House,but their SW was on leave until the 14th of Jan. Monday I called and she informed me that they will invite us for an information session according to our basic information,which they wil request later. Yesterday I received the e-mail for our information. As fast as I could,I typed it up and TRIED to send it back. My damn connection was so slow and I got so frustrated with it. Trying over and over again,it finaly went through.I called my mom just to let her know whats happening so fsr,just needed to at least tell someone.Now for the wait. How wonderful!!!My phone alerted me to an e-mail at 8 this morning with an e-mail from the SW saying that we are invited to a session on 15 Feb!!!!With excitement I called Mark to let him know,but his phone just kept on ringing. Finaly got a hold of him and it seems that the news wasnt important enough for him to be botherd at work with.My bubble was burst,I thought the only person who should be excited with me is acting so ashes. After an argument over the phone,him telling me that he handles things differnetly and I should Know it by now,me telling him that he could actas if he cared more,I burst into uncontrolable sobs and couldnt stop myself. Is it so wrong of me to expect him to be excited to? We are the only ones aware of what we are persuing now,we live far away from all our family and friends. I actualy need him to show more emotion in thie situation.Something we have been struggling with for almost 6 years and it finaly seems as though we're geting somewhere and there is no 'visible' emotional investment from his side. Now I want to call my mom,but I have to get a hold of my emotions first. He has to call his parents and tell them of our plans still. He is planning on doing it today,so lets hope. Hoping to get some more information from the SW soon,so we can better prepare ourselves for what lies ahead.