Wednesday, 26 February 2014

That old feeling

Yesterday was as normal a day for me as always,until about 16h00.

It's been just 2 months since we decided on our little baby breakbut yesterday,sho,was one of those days. While just waiting for time to pass before I start  dinner I suddenly had that nagging,very familiar feeling. My heart just fell to the floor and I was a balll of emotion. Tears kept rolling down my face as I was misding something I dont have terribly.

The pain of my empty lap was suddenly very bad. I dont know what it was or why it was,butI couldnt help myself. I was crying all through my cooking as I couldnt stop the tears. It was as if I had just received news of a passing,that was how intense the crying was.

When Mark stepped in,I brought up the fact of sudden sadness. We discussed it and about what our options would be,will we apply again for adoption or concider surrogacy.Also reminding ourselves of the year off and meassages we received. Still,the pain and emptyness is here,at this moment.

I dreamt about a little baby jus this morning,I cried again this afternoon for something stupid on tv. Looks my emotional well being took ablow yesterday and I dont know what to do about it. I am just looking for an answer in any way or form.

As for now,I slipped back into the longing and crying fase. Hoping that a solution will come in form of an answer to our prayers.


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