So I decided to come back for a little visit. Thanx to my little friend surfing via a BB10 from the Arab Emrates. I was not planning on being here,since I had started a new blog (check it out),but this is still the place to talk about my yearning for that family that keeps slipping thru my fingers.
Just because it's an OFF year,does not mean we let go of our dream. It's still as big as ever,we just want something else to be first choice this year.
To tell the truth, I do feel lighter since we had taken a break. There is no talk of papers,forms,doctors,ivf,iui,surrogates,nothing. It feels as if my soul is starting to heal, because you know it has to,we dont know what will be waiting beyond the borders of 2014 on us. I am looking forward to maybe studying this year,taking a trip,hell,how about a new language (u neva know where u might end up). A defnite is doing some renovations at home. I finaly can give all my energy to something else,downside is somtimes I give too much e nergy. Just yesterday I told Mark I want to go volunteer at the childrens home around the corner from us,but would that be good for my being?
How about getting a job,spoken as if it's easy to do. I realy want to devote myself to yhings that will make me better this year. Sometimes I think,what about a year of love and marriage? Yes,that would be great,but we are the lucky ones. Through our years of struggle,we remained close,if not growing closer. We just wanted to be parents so much that at times we forgot that we are still a couple. I thank God that we never even came close to the point of blaming each other,instead we would just talk endlessly about it.
Today I just want to BE. I thank God for making us realise that we have followed our own path for too long and for helping us on the road to making the decision to have Him lead and we will follow. Thank You for sending a stranger eith a massage on New Years Eve and speaking through the preacher,giving the same message yhe evening in church. From 2014 on,in God we fully and completely trust!!!
Till next time...
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Sunday, 12 January 2014
Tuesday, 29 October 2013
My nerves knows no end...
Our board sitting was supposed to be last Friday. The SW let me know that the psychologist had to have an operation and now the sitting would b postponed till 1 November. That wud b this Friday. Now that it's only 2 days away,I am a ball of nerves. I am so fed up with myself,I dont know what to do!!! The reality is setting in that strangers will be deciding our fate. They dont know us at all,is that good or bad,and yet they will decide the course of our lives on Friday.It wont go the way many others go,where they themselves decide what time is the right time. This is out of our hands. We did the best we could on our end up until this point. All I know is,even though a group of strangers will be deciding if we are fit to be parents,our God will be at the head of that table,taking charge of that meeting and doing what He thinks is best. I could not ask for a better person to be in charge,so now that I think about it,they wont all be strangers. There will be one person I know and He knows us better than anyone out there!!! Thank you Lord,our trust is in you!!!
Here's to praying for good news,little ange baby,we're waiting for you!!!
Till next time...
Here's to praying for good news,little ange baby,we're waiting for you!!!
Till next time...
Thursday, 18 July 2013
A lighter heart!
I was so frustrated at not knowing whats going on,then yesterday I had a change of heart.
I prayed and asked God to take control. I will let go of my anxieties to let Him take his rightfull place as leader of our lives. I almost immediately felt as if a wheight has been lifted. For too long I'v been trying to control my life!
So today I checked my e-mails amd there was just one. I got angry and thought it was these chain mails again. To my suprise it was our SW!!! Now I was scared to read it. Was it good news,bad news or just news?
She just wants to confirm that all is still well. Our local SW is swamped with work,but has agreed to do our home visit,when he gets a chance to.
My heart rejoiced!!! We are still on the books,but mostly because God has shown ma favour! He listened and showed me that I should not doubt Him. All I can say is THANK YOU LORD!!!
Till next time..
I prayed and asked God to take control. I will let go of my anxieties to let Him take his rightfull place as leader of our lives. I almost immediately felt as if a wheight has been lifted. For too long I'v been trying to control my life!
So today I checked my e-mails amd there was just one. I got angry and thought it was these chain mails again. To my suprise it was our SW!!! Now I was scared to read it. Was it good news,bad news or just news?
She just wants to confirm that all is still well. Our local SW is swamped with work,but has agreed to do our home visit,when he gets a chance to.
My heart rejoiced!!! We are still on the books,but mostly because God has shown ma favour! He listened and showed me that I should not doubt Him. All I can say is THANK YOU LORD!!!
Till next time..
Saturday, 22 June 2013
What's in a Church?
THIS IS GONNA B A LONG ONE!
Last nite I brought up the topic of Church to my husband. To get the picture- I grew up VGK,he grew up CATHOLIC. Now the conventional thing u do when getting married is to join ur husband's church,right? Well,here we go.
I finaly,after 5,5 years of marriage,started the Adult classes to convert. That taking so long may have been the mistake. Now,classes are on pause till October and they told us that afterwards we can decide if the Catholic faith is for us or not. NOT! Due to many factors,not the church by itself.
Lets start with some sacraments,as they call it.
BAPTISM
It seems as if I will have to b baptised again at age 32.
One of the many things that seems not to b good enough for them if done in another church,there's a lot more!!!
I was baptised as a baby. Figured the next time this happens is when I made the choice to be,not being forced to gain entry to a church.
Also,when baptising your baby,you can only choose godparents of the same faith. I only know 4 Catholics. The only one I would concider lives abroad. Another thing being forced on you. I speak from experience.
I discovered my baptism certificate when I was 10 or so. My godparents being my dads stepfather and his sister(my aunt). Now by that time,the stepfather had passed. He was a wonderfull man,loved me like I was his own. The aunt is another story. No involvement whatso ever. I wanted to know from my mother,why would they choose her for such an important role? I didnt understand how she could have this amazing position givin to her and she didnt care at all.
Now why would I want that for my child. The names on the certificate is for life and even after. I dont want that question to come out of my childs mouth,that would mean I failed them. Mark suggested that u cud just put a name on there to get thru the baptism,I dont see it like that. I have a godchild. Her parents chose me,because of who I am. I love that girl to bits,even though I dont get to see her often. I would do anything for her if she asked. Wouldnt u want the same for your own children? Not just a name on a paper,because they're Catholic.
CONFESSION
Seriously? Why would I go sit in a box,telling someone anonomously my sins,have them tell me what my punishment should be and go do it? What happened to going down on your knees and using the direct line by praying? I talk to God everyday of my life,dont need the middleman while doing that.
HOLY COMMUNION
This I did after my confirmation. Now I'm not fit to receive it,cause I'm not Catholic. Oh and apparantly,you can only receive it after you have been to confession. Meaning you'll have to b in that box every week if you want communion.
CONFIRMATION
I was confirmed in 1998 at VGK Eersteriver by Ds. Obe Phillips. All decked out in white,my whole family in attendance(except the godmother and her mother btw). I had the whole production. Why go through it again. Why not let us take a few classes,take an oath and receive us into the church? Now I have to do 1.5 years,just to get into a new church.
MARRIAGE
All of the above seem not to b good enough if you'v already done it. Now with our marriage,it has to be confirmed in the Catholic chutch for them to view it as legal. If I wanted it,I would have gotten married in the Catholic Church. We purposely decided to get a priest from a different church,than any of ours,to marry us. We looked for soneone who could give us pre-marrital counceling,who walked with us and could marry us in Christ. Not just someone who is ordaned to do it. Now that will be a do over also.
why would I convert to a faith where my current one is void to them?
My husband is Catholic in name. He doesnt go to confession,take communion once every what,doesnt own a rosary,missle and whatever else he should. There's no investment,just the 'I'm used to it' factor.
I have the same factor when it comes to VGK.
Other thing is this. When we went early this year so we cud get things going with the church,they gave him forms. 4 questions- Name;what parish he comes from;current address and how much will he be giving in planned giving. No other interest in a new member. They are always handing out money envelopes. You have to buy THEIR Bilble,Their books,rosaries, 2 different hymn books.
I have a store bought Bible and Hymn book. That's it. Once a month I give my donation,I didnt have to confirm ahead of time what it will be. They say other churches are money makers,but this one,sjoe!
The people dont hav any interest in you. We have been going there since 2007,no one has ever come up to us to ask anything about ourselves. They dont greet u in or out of chuch,even those who know who you are. Uninvolved!!! I grew up with Sunday school,confirmation classes,youth group,my mother was a deacon,belonged to the womens league. Whe had prayer meetings Wednesday evenings at a different house. It was a community. I want that. I want to get involved in these things. The Catholic church doesnt have that,how can you get involved when they dont acknowledge you? I want to be excited about going to Church even when I'm alone. I dread going to this Church by myself. It's said to b a mortal sin when you dont attend their mass,well I'm gonna burn in hell,cause there's no way I'm going by myself.
I'm not getting any spiritual guidance out of this church or faith. They challenge everything I believe in and yet I cannot believe in what they say. I believe in God,praying,the Bible. How will I be a good Christian when I sit in a Church I dont want to be in,when I dont believe in their ways,when I feel unwanted and uncomfortable?
How can I raise my children under Gods word in a church that I myself dont want to be in. This is not just about us anymore,we have to think about our children and what we want out of life for them .
I believe it's now realy time to go Church hunting together.
Till next time...
Last nite I brought up the topic of Church to my husband. To get the picture- I grew up VGK,he grew up CATHOLIC. Now the conventional thing u do when getting married is to join ur husband's church,right? Well,here we go.
I finaly,after 5,5 years of marriage,started the Adult classes to convert. That taking so long may have been the mistake. Now,classes are on pause till October and they told us that afterwards we can decide if the Catholic faith is for us or not. NOT! Due to many factors,not the church by itself.
Lets start with some sacraments,as they call it.
BAPTISM
It seems as if I will have to b baptised again at age 32.
One of the many things that seems not to b good enough for them if done in another church,there's a lot more!!!
I was baptised as a baby. Figured the next time this happens is when I made the choice to be,not being forced to gain entry to a church.
Also,when baptising your baby,you can only choose godparents of the same faith. I only know 4 Catholics. The only one I would concider lives abroad. Another thing being forced on you. I speak from experience.
I discovered my baptism certificate when I was 10 or so. My godparents being my dads stepfather and his sister(my aunt). Now by that time,the stepfather had passed. He was a wonderfull man,loved me like I was his own. The aunt is another story. No involvement whatso ever. I wanted to know from my mother,why would they choose her for such an important role? I didnt understand how she could have this amazing position givin to her and she didnt care at all.
Now why would I want that for my child. The names on the certificate is for life and even after. I dont want that question to come out of my childs mouth,that would mean I failed them. Mark suggested that u cud just put a name on there to get thru the baptism,I dont see it like that. I have a godchild. Her parents chose me,because of who I am. I love that girl to bits,even though I dont get to see her often. I would do anything for her if she asked. Wouldnt u want the same for your own children? Not just a name on a paper,because they're Catholic.
CONFESSION
Seriously? Why would I go sit in a box,telling someone anonomously my sins,have them tell me what my punishment should be and go do it? What happened to going down on your knees and using the direct line by praying? I talk to God everyday of my life,dont need the middleman while doing that.
HOLY COMMUNION
This I did after my confirmation. Now I'm not fit to receive it,cause I'm not Catholic. Oh and apparantly,you can only receive it after you have been to confession. Meaning you'll have to b in that box every week if you want communion.
CONFIRMATION
I was confirmed in 1998 at VGK Eersteriver by Ds. Obe Phillips. All decked out in white,my whole family in attendance(except the godmother and her mother btw). I had the whole production. Why go through it again. Why not let us take a few classes,take an oath and receive us into the church? Now I have to do 1.5 years,just to get into a new church.
MARRIAGE
All of the above seem not to b good enough if you'v already done it. Now with our marriage,it has to be confirmed in the Catholic chutch for them to view it as legal. If I wanted it,I would have gotten married in the Catholic Church. We purposely decided to get a priest from a different church,than any of ours,to marry us. We looked for soneone who could give us pre-marrital counceling,who walked with us and could marry us in Christ. Not just someone who is ordaned to do it. Now that will be a do over also.
why would I convert to a faith where my current one is void to them?
My husband is Catholic in name. He doesnt go to confession,take communion once every what,doesnt own a rosary,missle and whatever else he should. There's no investment,just the 'I'm used to it' factor.
I have the same factor when it comes to VGK.
Other thing is this. When we went early this year so we cud get things going with the church,they gave him forms. 4 questions- Name;what parish he comes from;current address and how much will he be giving in planned giving. No other interest in a new member. They are always handing out money envelopes. You have to buy THEIR Bilble,Their books,rosaries, 2 different hymn books.
I have a store bought Bible and Hymn book. That's it. Once a month I give my donation,I didnt have to confirm ahead of time what it will be. They say other churches are money makers,but this one,sjoe!
The people dont hav any interest in you. We have been going there since 2007,no one has ever come up to us to ask anything about ourselves. They dont greet u in or out of chuch,even those who know who you are. Uninvolved!!! I grew up with Sunday school,confirmation classes,youth group,my mother was a deacon,belonged to the womens league. Whe had prayer meetings Wednesday evenings at a different house. It was a community. I want that. I want to get involved in these things. The Catholic church doesnt have that,how can you get involved when they dont acknowledge you? I want to be excited about going to Church even when I'm alone. I dread going to this Church by myself. It's said to b a mortal sin when you dont attend their mass,well I'm gonna burn in hell,cause there's no way I'm going by myself.
I'm not getting any spiritual guidance out of this church or faith. They challenge everything I believe in and yet I cannot believe in what they say. I believe in God,praying,the Bible. How will I be a good Christian when I sit in a Church I dont want to be in,when I dont believe in their ways,when I feel unwanted and uncomfortable?
How can I raise my children under Gods word in a church that I myself dont want to be in. This is not just about us anymore,we have to think about our children and what we want out of life for them .
I believe it's now realy time to go Church hunting together.
Till next time...
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Just some more stuff
I've come to think of this blog as my own personal diary.Since it's not been published yet,the world is unaware of it,I still feel like I can speak my mind. I dread the day when I make it public and people start reading all the crap I put down here.
On the other hand,I feel that I want to share our story and journey,whatever the outcome may be,with people.
So here's some good news. We received the 'invitation' from Magdalena Huis to come for the information session. I RSVP'd and so we're set to take the second step on our journey.I am excited and scared at the same time,mostly of the unknown,but I want to do this with my whole heart.
What will they want to know?How deep are they going to delve into our lives?Do we have skeletons that will merge once they start asking questions? Orwill it be quick and painless?We'll have to wait and see.
We spoke to our house doctor about our medicals and he is so happy that we are trying atleast,I have faith in him that he will help us how ever which way he can. I'm also going for my yearly check-up with my Gyno the day before the information session,and we'll have to inform him of our decision also,since he is actualy pushing for us to go for IVF.
On religion. I finaly started yesterday with classes to convert to the Catholic church. I dont know if I should call it Catholic faith,since my Faith is already in the Lord and I am a Christian,so ja.I did learn qiute a lot during the session last night,actualy looking forward to the next one and being in one church with Mark.SOOOO much looking forward to the day when we can walk up to the altar and christen our little babies,raising them under the blood of the Lord,WONDERFUL!!!
Till next time...
On the other hand,I feel that I want to share our story and journey,whatever the outcome may be,with people.
So here's some good news. We received the 'invitation' from Magdalena Huis to come for the information session. I RSVP'd and so we're set to take the second step on our journey.I am excited and scared at the same time,mostly of the unknown,but I want to do this with my whole heart.
What will they want to know?How deep are they going to delve into our lives?Do we have skeletons that will merge once they start asking questions? Orwill it be quick and painless?We'll have to wait and see.
We spoke to our house doctor about our medicals and he is so happy that we are trying atleast,I have faith in him that he will help us how ever which way he can. I'm also going for my yearly check-up with my Gyno the day before the information session,and we'll have to inform him of our decision also,since he is actualy pushing for us to go for IVF.
On religion. I finaly started yesterday with classes to convert to the Catholic church. I dont know if I should call it Catholic faith,since my Faith is already in the Lord and I am a Christian,so ja.I did learn qiute a lot during the session last night,actualy looking forward to the next one and being in one church with Mark.SOOOO much looking forward to the day when we can walk up to the altar and christen our little babies,raising them under the blood of the Lord,WONDERFUL!!!
Till next time...
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